I’m conflicted about my duties as maid of honor for my sisters wedding. I was honored when she asked me to be her MOH & since I’ve never been one before, I had no idea what I was in for. I want to know if this is "normal" bride behavior or am I being too critical? Some feedback would be helpful, my sister & her fiance are both 28. He makes ok $ & she works part time as an office assistant & goes to school part time. They moved into an apt soon after getting engaged 7 months ago. They’ve been together for 8 yrs. Our parents are divorced & remarried. My mom & dad make good money. Especially my dad, He’s footing most of the bill.
*this is going to be a 300 person wedding at a golf course near the beach
*she’s having 10 bridesmaids plus me (maid of honor) so 11 total. The groom has 11 groomsmen.
*She just told me that I had to buy a gift between to for each girl in her bridal party to hand out at the bachelorette party. I work full time as a asst mgr at a warehouse & struggle to make ends meet. I have 2 roomates, we share an apartment. I don’t make much money & never even knew you were "supposed" to give out gifts at a bachelorette party?
*She’s not just having 1 bachelorette "party" she’s having a bachelorette "weekend" 1 night in a city near us & the 2nd night in a city 4hours away. She said I’m responsible for all accesories & planning
*She’s having 2 wedding showers. One my stepmom is throwing for her & one the grooms mom is throwing for her. (but Im helping to plan both) she told me this was my job also.
*And finally she has been such a pain in the a** she keeps saying "no one better be late on my wedding" "my wedding is going to be according to schedule & that’s it" she nags me about tanning, getting my nails done, and keeps telling me over and over again not to drink before or during the wedding" She doesn’t drink. I told her I might want to have a drink before the ceremony starts & she got so mad. She got into an argument with our stepmom because she said she only wants me, the best man & our parents & the grooms parents to make a speech at the reception NO ONE ELSE. When my stepmom told her it’d be rude if she & the groom didn’t stand up & make a speech thanking everyone for coming then it would look bad she started yelling "it’s my wedding and I don’t want to make a speech so I’m not going to!" She keeps referring to herself as "the princess" and "the queen" which I think is so annoying (sigh) I don’t want to back out but I keep calling my dad, my mom & my stepmom crying from the stress of this wedding. They are offering to help me with everything but I feel so bad letting them because they’re already stretched so thin … any advice?
She already bought all of us gifts to give to us, so these bachelorette party gifts are "in addition" to the bridal party gifts she already purchased. And she nor the groom is religious. Actually she refused to get married in a church. So their wedding will be outside. She is sober because the groom had a problem with drinking before. I just wanted one dang drink to calm my nerves lol
You are a much stronger woman than I, because I would have backed out of this "honor" long ago. Your sister is a total bridezilla.
1. Do not buy presents for the maids. That is completely ridiculous. Your sister’s gifts for them are sufficient.
2. A bachelorette WEEKEND? Holy crap. Do you know 25 years ago, these bachelorette parties were almost unheard of? Now a MOH or maid is supposed to shell out money for dress, shoes, hair/makeup/nails, bridal shower, bridal shower gift, wedding gift, transportation, hotel, etc. etc. etc. AND a bachelorette *weekend*. Mother of God I am glad most of my friends are already married or too middle-aged to consider such a thing.
3. Tanning? Screw that. Tell her she can get cancer if she wants to, but you’ll decline. God I *hate* fake tans as well. Be the color you are, and be proud of it.
3. Have a drink if you want to. It is absurd that your sister forbids you to have a drink. It is not your problem if her fiance is an alcoholic. Nobody is saying to drink it in front of him, or for you to get drunk, but as an adult, to be "forbidden" to have a drink at a wedding is just ridiculous.
Sorry, but your sister is a spoiled brat.
As far as making you pay for the gifts, Id recommend that you talk with her about how financially stressful that would be for you and see if she could make other arrangements.
IMO It seems to me she is going a bit overboard. Then again Im a guy so what do i know ehh?
IDK just saying people tend to do/say stupid things when they just want their special day to go off without a hitch.
Bridezilla to the max!
Tell her this whole extravaganza has spiraled far out beyond what you can handle. On your income, you can pay for your dress and shoes, period. No bachelorette weekend expenses. No gifts for the other ten bridesmaids. No professional hairdo and manicure.
Why are her mother and future mother-in-law throwing showers for her anyway? It’s ill-mannered for family members to do showers for the bride. Ordinarily the bridesmaids do host a shower (only one), but in this case they’re probably going to blow up into a real circus.
Suggest in the strongest terms that she should promote one of her other bridesmaids to be her maid of honor. Don’t worry – this situation occurs far more often than you’d think. Surely one of the other ten (victims) lovely bridesmaids will have the resources to claim the "honor".
Honestly, some of this is normal and some of it isn’t. No, you absolutely do NOT have to buy gifts for the wedding party. That’s her job and she knows it, she’s just trying to be cheap about it. Tell her to kick rocks on that front.
She also doesn’t get to dictate this much about her ‘bachelorette party’. There are some people who think it’s an absolute no-no for the bride to plan her own bachelorette. I do not feel this way. If she wants to plan her own party, I say let her. But, that’s just it. SHE is planning her party. NOT YOU. And if you can’t afford to go, just tell her you can’t afford to go and suggest a more reasonable alternative. She can’t have it both ways. She can’t dictate that you do all the planning of something that she’s already decided on. You either plan it or you don’t.
Traditionally, yes, the MOH plans the bachelorette and the shower. But, since she’s already taken over the bachelorette it’s not unreasonable to at least help plan the shower your stepmother is throwing for her. There’s a secondary rule about how immediate family members aren’t supposed to throw showers, but in this day and age I think it’s pretty outdated anyway. Offer to help. She already has two, presumably, capable women throwing her showers – I hardly think a 3rd is necessary.
As for her general attitude – yeah, you’re just going to have to put up with some of that. Her weddings sounds absurdly lavish without any respect to the people paying for it, but it doesn’t seem like she hears ‘no’ very often so I blame your parents for that more than I blame her. If she wants to bark orders at everyone and dictate no drinking – then it really is her right to do so. She’s going to lose some friends over it but sometimes that happens.
I think you just need to take a deep breath and take a step back. There’s seriously no reason to get so stressed out about this. If she wants her bachelorette party in another city, then she can plan it. If she wants gifts given to her bridesmaids, they’re HER bridesmaids and she can buy them $2,000 worth of gifts. This isn’t all your responsibility.
Yeah, it sounds like she’s approaching bridezilla status.
It will be hard to have a conversation about this with your sister, but she needs to hear you out. I would say something like, "I want you to have a beautiful wedding, but I am having a hard time doing this for a few reasons. I am already having a hard time making ends meet, and with purchasing the dress and whatnot for the wedding ceremony, I cannot buy gifts for the other bridesmaids. I’m also feeling stretched really thin because of all of the events you want planned. I want to be there for you, but I need to give up [inster the events you most want to give up here]."
Also, she probably needs a lot of reassurance about stuff right now. Remind her when she starts complaining and worrying and bossing people around that everyone wants her to have a beautiful wedding and no one is trying to sabotage it.
Someone else also suggested asking if another bridesmaid could get "promoted." Maybe it doesn’t need to go that far, but definitely seeing if they’d be willing to pick up the slack on the things you can’t handle would be good.
I will never understand why perfectly rational women turn into crazy people just because they’re getting married…BUT, your sister is really lucky to have you as her MOH and hopefully she will start treating you accordingly.
the maid of honour doesn’t get gifts for the bridesmaid
that’s the brides responsibility
she should get 11 gifts one of them for you
I agree with what "Jilly" said, but wanted to add about the drinking before the ceremony. I know at our church, the pastor told us if he smelled ANY booze on ANYONE in the bridal party he wouldn’t marry us…so maybe save the drinks until after the ceremony in case her pastor has the same rule.
She is trying to make you pay for HER bridal attendant gifts???? That is not bridezilla that is just cheap and ignorant. If she wants everyone to have gifts at the bach party then that is up to her to buy them and give them out. You have no obligation to do this at all. I have never even heard of such stupidity in all of my life as expecting your maid of honor to buy gifts for the attendants. As for the drinking she really should have an alcohol free wedding if she doesn’t want you to drink. Although if you want a drink (limit 1 please) then have it but don’t let her see. As for during the wedding you can drink but don’t become bridesmaids gone wild. She is your sister and you may have to drag her back down to earth and let her know she is not a princess or a queen. If all else fails you may have to end up telling her that you cannot perform all the duties to the best of your ability so she should find someone who can because I can bet the only reason she is acting this way is because you are her sister and you are letting her get away with it.
No no no no no, you don’t HAVE to buy gifts for anyone. If she wants the bridesmaids to get gifts at the party, SHE buys them.
Everything else is just obnoxious and rude. I wouldn’t put up with someone like that.
Isn’t the BRIDE supposed to buy gifts for her maid of honor and the rest of the girls in the wedding party? I never heard of such a thing as the maid of honor buying gifts for the bridesmaids.
As for the drink don’t mention it again… if you have one before the ceremony then it’s not her business.. just rinse with mouthwash or something afterward. it’s not like you’ll be drunk.
Your sister is acting like a spoiled rotten bltch. I’m sure you can’t wait for the wedding to be ovewith!! good luck with that
The MOH does not need to buy gifts for bachelorette party girls. That is insane and I’ve never heard of such a thing. I would flat out refuse.
The bachelorette party is whatever her MOH and bridesmaids can afford. If she wants a weekend, she can organise and pay for it.
You should not be expected to tan. Tanning is a skin cancer risk and no one has the right to tell anyone to tan. She can organise spray-on tan, at her expense, if she wants.
I would refuse to do the gifts, refuse to tan, and help organise a single bachelorette party and bridal shower. If she asks for more, say no. The only point I agree with her is, don’t drink before the wedding. Having a drink at the reception is fine.
No, she’s crazy. You should back out. Say that you don’t have the time or money to do all the things that she expects you to do.
Telling her that you wanted a drink before her ceremony was stupid. You should have known better.
But yes, asking you to buy presents for the bridesmaids is insane. Making you get a tan is insane. Bridesmaids aren’t supposed to be slaves. You aren’t supposed to single-handedly plan two showers! (And family isn’t supposed to throw showers anyway)
You need to drop out. You might get grief from the family, but you have to stand up for yourself. You can do it non-critically, if you just say that you don’t have the time of money to do all the things that your sister feels are necessary. It can be someone else’s job to tell her that no one will slave away for her like that.
Whoa, bridezilla alert!
It is most certainly not the MOH’s duty to buy gifts for the bridal party. Nor is a bachelorette a gift-giving occasion, whether they’re for the bride or the bridal party. Additionally, she only gets a bachelorette if the bridal party decides to throw one for her – she doesn’t get to throw her own party.
You don’t have to host either shower. If your stepmum and the groom’s mum are throwing them, then they’re the hosts. Yes, you could co-host, but if this is something they want to do for her, there’s no need for you to get involved unless they ask for your help, or you want to offer.
She doesn’t have to make a speech if she doesn’t want to, but the groom at least should, like you say, to thank their guests.
Though I’m curious why it matters that neither of them are religious and are getting married outside.
Talk to your sister. Tell her that you love her, but you’re not her slave and you’re not made of money.
More like a bitchzilla if you ask me.